5/23/25 (2)

Some things I haven't forgiven myself for: 

  • for not being born pretty 
  • for going on a harsh diet, stunting my height in middle school 
  • for not being smart
  • for having parents who I am ashamed of
  • for not being charming enough to attract other people
  • for not knowing how to juggle multiple commitment, for never being persistent and consistent 
  • for not getting into MIT or Stanford 
  • for not being able to express myself fully to others, or to stand up for myself 
  • for being so inefficient, unable to get things done quickly and effectively
  • for being a bad team member, never pleasnt to work with
  • for being so fickle, suddenly passionate in one moment but then coldly detached in the next 
  • for not having achieved anything real despite the amount of effort I put in
  • for not being attractive to other boys/guys
  • for not being good at talking or public speaking
  • for not having coherent, organized thoughts
  • for not being able to think quickly, which held me back from participating in academic debates and math competitions 
  • for not working as hard as some other people my age, for burning out so quickly, not having the grit  
  • for having bad grammar 
  • for being so emotionally sensitive, easy to get hurt and to cry 
  • for having a low pain tolerance
  • for not being likable to other people in general, failing to be that one person whom everyone adores
  • for being okay at many things but never great at one thing 
  • for having so much superiority complex (about: appearance, academics, relationships, social status)
  • for overthinking everything, reading too much into the lines
  • for being a messy eater, acting without class or grace
  • for not having a big heart 
  • for not having wisdom, rather foolish and jealous 
  • for being so helpless, lost, and needy 
  • for not having grown into a smarter, more achieved person
  • for being bad at writing 
  • for being socially awkward, energetic and cordial only in first impression and quickly falling into emotional estrangement afterwards
Things I am angry at myself for: 
  • for not being able to finish assignments and tasks easily and without too much thinking, like many others who tend to think simply and can "pump out" content  

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